Disclaimer: Please do not read if you are a member of PETA or have a weak stomach or if you have ever held me in any type of high esteem...oh, and this is meant to be funny, at least all the people who have heard this so far have laughed! :)
I am about to tell you a story that has stood the test of time and never disappoints....well, this and my middle school dance videos where I fell not one but TWO years in a row. Anyway, when I was just a wee little child, I asked my parents for a pet rabbit. Naturally, because I was simply delicious, my parents couldn't say "No." We started with a black and white rabbit named Rio, but she was cranky and she bit so she had to go...so, we got to trade her for a dwarf angora rabbit. This precious bunny was small, but his long, soft gray hair made him appear to be average size. I named him Pepper.
And so began our story together. I was told by our friend/rabbit salesmen that Pepper was shipped by plane to his home and he was pretty sure that the pressure and elevation had messed him up because he often ran in circles....constantly was more like it.
I spent many a day enjoying my sweet rabbit....stroking his soft fur. I can almost feel it to this day...big sigh. Anyways, we had very cold winters of course in Washington state and out of the kindness of my heart, I put a bath towel in the cage with my sweet bunny to keep him from being cold and to keep his little feet from being sore on the cage. Unfortunately, I didn't think through the fact that he still ran in circles because of his...ah hem...altered mental state. So, needless to say, we came home one day to find that he had shredded the towel and gotten the strings repeatedly wrapped around his foot and it had killed his foot. His foot was all purple and gangrenous...pretty wretched really. My mom decided she wasn't willing to pay a vet bill for what she called our "Jacked-Up Three-Legged Rabbit" so because the tissue was dead, she cut the foot off with some old scissors!!! For the sake of her reputation, let me add that this is the same woman who once gave CPR to her kitten and succeeded!
Deep breaths...count to ten...ok. I wish I could promise it gets better people. So, several months went by...life happened and I got bored with Pepper. Until one day that is. One day that will live in infamy...
It was sixth grade....back when big Smurf glasses were in and when I thought my mom's home perms were perfection. I looked like the letter L with my size 9 faux Keds and my skinny body...no breasts to speak of and no boyfriends either. So, I needed something to brag about, people.
That's right. This is where Pepper comes in. I lived directly across the street from my school...convenient for when you forget your science homework but not so convenient when your mom drives the local bookmobile...
Anyway, I am getting off track. So, I spent the WHOLE day talking up my rabbit Pepper. On and on I went...about how you could make sweaters out of his fur because it was so rare and valuable, about how he survived and prevailed in spite of having only 3 feet...etc, etc... until I had a crowd all hyped and ready for the bell to ring. Schools out and we all trudge over to my backyard filled with anticipation of what was to come....kids were thrilled with the idea of seeing a real live rabbit, and I was full of expectation of being the coolest thing in town.
Much to our surprise, and my dismay, Pepper's cage was EMPTY. We were scared, upset and on a mission from that moment on. We were going to find Pepper if it took us all day. So, we put a plan together and went in search of my beloved Pepper. We scoured the entire neighborhood for at least two hours until we finally ended up defeated and at my back door.
Just then, my mom opens the screen door. Picture it...I am standing a few feet in front of a handful of exhausted and expectant sixth graders. They are all lined up behind me panting from exhaustion.
"Mom! Where is Pepper?! We can't find him anywhere! We have looked everywhere!"...to which my Mom responds in a flat tone...
"Annette, Pepper died two weeks ago. We were waiting to see how long it would take you to notice."
Hmmm....not really what I was expecting...you can imagine my dismay and my...uh...awkwardness as I sheepishly looked over my shoulder at the slumped shoulders of my peers. They filed off one by one to their homes for dinner. If one of you is reading this right now, this is a shout out to you for hanging in there with me through those next few years. I apologize for any unnecessary trauma and for your wasted efforts to find my neglected rabbit.
The good news? I've never tried having a rabbit again...
