Thanks for hanging in there with me while I attempt to get each anniversary journal entry transferred to this before the fifth year anniversary gets here...
Once again, these are always meant to let someone out there know they are not on an island in their grief and to give those who haven't experienced it...a better understanding and empathy for it. It has also blessed me to be able to write, which I love. It helps me express my grief and also helps to show me the ways it has changed and hasn't changed each year...
April 11th, 2010
Another year lived and survived without you experiencing our life with us...a much overdue trial occurring May 25th on your behalf. It was an excruciating and exhausting experience...discussing every single aspect of your entire life,, the wreck, your injuries and to what extent, that traumatic night at Vanderbilt when you passed, your funeral, what it's like for us now, seeing and facing the illegal alien who was involved and all the legalities that involved. It brought every single thing back us for each of us. I remember sleeping nearly a day and a half after that.
And another beautiful healthy baby boy that you would have adored. I can't help but think, each time we have another precious life added to our family, how much they will miss not getting to meet you, and how proud you would be of us...how happy you would be for us.
This past year has been amazing...blessings everywhere, around every corner...just exactly what you would have wanted and prayed for us to enjoy...still so strange you aren't here to enjoy them with us.
You are still everywhere for me. You are still in my heart every day. You are still so painful to be without.
So much has happened for Ali this year that I know you would want for her. I was getting ready the other day and stopped and said to Michael, "I still cannot believe we survived losing Michael Lloyd". To which he wisely responded that it's something we'll always, daily, continue to survive until we see him again. That' s the truth...my heart is mending, new life, love and joy are still present, but you are always a memory away...a thought away...an overwhelming emotion of loss away.
Mom is here helping with the birth of Ransom just ten days ago. I will continue to try my best to love her even half as good as you did. You sure give me a lot to live up to but I am thankful she experienced so much with you and received so much of your love in her life.
Leaving this house and moving in another month will be difficult because my last memories of you are here but I know you will be wherever we are in our hearts. We love you always...
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